Quiz: How Gross Are You?

I want to say that my personal hygiene has really taken a nosedive since I started working from home, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t shower all that regularly to begin with. Fortunately, I have enough out-of-the-house meetings and appointments that I’m forced to wear non-sweatpants a couple of times a week (and I’m not even counting yoga pants here!). If you spent a lot of time outside, you are probably at least kind of gross, too. Let’s find out!

What’s that on your shirt?
a) you mean this shirt that I ironed this morning?
b) probably chain grease from working on my bike
c) definitely some kind of food because I’ve been wearing this shirt for three days
d) which stain are you pointing to?

Will you eat something that’s fallen on the floor?
a) no, that’s gross
b) no, that’s why I have a dog
c) depends on the floor
d) …I play it pretty fast and loose with the five-second rule

What is the maximum acceptable number of days between showers?
a) this cannot be a real question
b) sometimes I don’t shower in the morning if I plan to run later?
c) are we talking days in the backcountry, or…?
c) I want to say more than two but less than… five?

How did you get that scab? 
a) took a spill while biking; immediately cleaned with soap and water
b) took a spill while biking; later rinsed and applied band-aid from bottom of pack
c) flipped over handlebars while biking; responsible friend insisted on rendering first aid at some point
d) honestly don’t remember; I keep picking it off so it’s been there for three months

Give us a hot take on socks + Chacos.
a) what?
b) no
c) only for walking the dog
d) height of Dad-fashion; I’m all about it regardless of the season

Let’s talk about snot rockets.
a) I’d rather not
b) That’s what bandanas are for
c) What? Oh, I call that a “farmer’s blow”
d) Hold my beer and watch this

If you answered…

Mostly As. Congratulations, you’re not gross at all! You appear to be a contributing member of society. Like a large proportion of my readers, you probably visit this blog because you are related to me in some way. (Thanks!)

Mostly Bs. Just gross enough to be a little edgy. You’ve mastered the art of doing cool outside stuff and also pretty much having your shit together. Strong work!

Mostly Cs. You’re gross enough that people feel comfortable around you (hey, you’re footloose and fancy-free!), but not so gross as to make people whisper about whose turn it is to remind you to bathe. This is the sweet spot.

Mostly Ds. …oh. Is this just me?

Feature Photo: A 2014 course in the Oh-Be-Joyful Wilderness area, gesturing with a trowel as I teach a group of middle school girls about my favorite subject: pooping in the woods!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s