I love scary movies. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to things like climbing and skiing: I get a rush from those edge-of-your-seat moments, that split second after you’ve passed the point of no return and before you know what the outcome will be. It’s why I eagerly await the Dirtbag Diaries’ annual “Tales of Terror” episode, why I can’t resist true crime documentaries and podcasts, why I insist we watch Scream every Halloween even though poor Bix spends most of those 90 minutes under a blanket, covering his ears.
The fun doesn’t end after October 31. These movie ideas have me losing sleep year-round.
Silence of the Cams. Clarice Starling heads to Indian Creek for a week of climbing with her dirtbag friends. The group arrives and realizes they only have doubles.
Paws. Poorly behaved, unsupervised mastiff terrorizes a crag, stealing lunches and, eventually, swallowing belayers whole.
The Whining. Friends prepare to hike out to a cozy cabin for a weekend getaway. One forgot a rain jacket, has a blister, is hungry, etc. Soon, the whole group has succumbed to his bellyaching. Who will make it out alive?
Bike-o. Norman Bates’ bike is a total hunk of junk. Then his friends start noticing their bikes are missing parts… And Norm shows up to the weekly MTB meetup with a familiar-looking Frankenbike.
The Blair Witch Project. Josh’s buddy has been projecting this same boulder problem, “Blair Witch” (V8), for months. It’s all he talks about. He’s finally about to send it, so Josh tags along to video it. If only he’d known they’d all be cursed… With endless Insta posts (#send).
Bight of the Living Dead. Climbing rope comes to life and strangles a bunch of sport climbers. They become terrifying zombies who stagger around after you, spraying you with beta you didn’t ask for.
Children of the Corn. Perfect corn conditions + murderous children… You’ve never seen spring skiing like this.